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This is my first post, and a lot of the things I've been reading here really resonate. My son was born in January of this year, following a healthy pregnancy, marked only by gestational diabetes, which was not discovered until December and never posed any problems. From the first night in the hospital, I have felt a general depressed mood and have been very sensitive. I still look back on his birthday as a very harrowing and terrifying experience. Nothing went wrong, and as far as I know it was a textbook C-section, but I had never had any type of surgery before or spent the night in the hospital. Well, I guess this is not the birth stories thread, so I will just introduce myself here. I am 26, married for 3 years to the man I've been with for 9 years. This is our first kid, and we do still plan on one more, in a couple of years. Intellectually, I know that my thoughts and feelings are symptoms of the depression, which is exacerbated by hormonal fluctuations, but I can't help but have these thoughts and feelings. I think my son would be better off with a different mother. I seem to always guess the wrong thing to make him feel better when he's upset (although I'm getting better at understanding him). I have become very introverted since he was born. I took 12 weeks off work and have just started back last week. I find myself forcing conversations with people in my new office (I was hired by a different department right before I left, so I am changing jobs too, when I think I'm a little more delicate than usual). People have been telling me how I look so good and am recovering so well, ever since we got home from the hospital, and I just never cease to be shocked. I feel like a wreck, I feel like I look like a wreck, and every time someone asks me how I'm doing with motherhood, I want to burst into tears. Instead I just smile and say, "It's a lot harder than I thought it would be..." My son is perfect, a real charmer and a great baby. I could not ask for a better temperament or a healthier child. He loves me to pieces already, but I am still forming the bond. Well, I guess I have been wanting to write all this down for a while, so it's all coming out here.